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A 91 year old woman has taken up belly dancing.
Which is unusual because 91 year olds normally prefer hip op


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I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife reckons its weird. I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat!

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I used to be against organ donors but then I had a change of heart


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My son said he's depressed because he suspects I'm gay.
I replied "Young man, there's no need to feel down..."

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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV & drinking a beer wen he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board & yelling,'You Sign! You sign!' Behind him is an enormous truck full of car parts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement saying I have not ordered this. Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard & says 'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

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Paddy and Mick were at the bar.
Paddy says,"Since the doctor put me on steroids, I have started to grow an extra willy!"
Mick says,"Anabolic?"
"No",says Paddy,"Just a willy."

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a wife was trying to spice up her sex life, she dresses up in lingerie and a cape and rushes into the bedroom shouting "SUPER P*SSY" husband says "i'll have the soup"

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Pope's doing a crossword and says to his Bishop, "four letter word for a woman, ending in UNT."

Bishop replies "AUNT."

Pope says "Very good. Got any Tippex?"

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I heard on the news this morning that Vitamin B can help cure Alzheimer's.

Or was it C...
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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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Took the wife shopping in our local Tesco. I pick up a case of Best and put it in the cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.


'They're on sale, only £12 for 24 cans’, i replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them’, demands the wife, and so we carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the wife picks up a £24 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

‘What do you think you're doing?', asks me.

'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife. 

I retort: 'So does 24 cans of Best and it's only half the price.'


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lawn bowling humour

"There's nothing wrong with saying hard luck!
Just learn to do it without the snigger."


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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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Advice
" If your Skip wants an opinion, He'll give it to you".

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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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My Girlfriend has got a new tattoo of a seashell on the top of her inner thigh.

Its bloody amazing, if you put your ear to it you can actually smell the sea

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My wife has just called me to say that Gavin from Autoglass has been round to fill her crack.............................

I'm not normally suspicious but I've got the car!!


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