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Reply with quote  #16 
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, Sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she asks. 'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got No clothes on!'

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet Door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

'You rotten 'Bitch', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!'

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I fostered a child yesterday.....




all four cans hit him on the head!


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A single spelling mistake that caused a divorce...a man went to amsterdam and sent a message to his wife 'having the most amazin and wonderful time. Wish you were her


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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.



When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded....'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'


'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the ******' skippin'
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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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Reply with quote  #22 
R U worried about the news of the world shutting down and wondering how u can get ure weekly Z - List of celebrities ,Sleazy Footballers, Criminals and Paedos, Don't worry. ....... Just buy a Hearts programme
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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
LORD CHEGGS

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Reply with quote  #25 
GREAT KEEP THEM COMING GUYS
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Reply with quote  #26 

Tottenham have just signed a new player............ Grabbatelli

I believe they are also after the highly rated Japanese player Torchmamota


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Reply with quote  #27 

It was a final of a prestigous tournament and a well known skip was having a hard time from the other three in his team who had failed to contribute anything throughout the game.
At the last end the third walked down to the mat to play his first bowl and pausing, shouted back up the rink. “Where’s our nearest bowl?”.
“In yer ******* hand!”, answered the skip.


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One for you Mr Mullen:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
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Reply with quote  #30 
I got home very late last night from a poker evening with my mates. The wife was of course waiting up, ready to moan as usual."Stop!" I said. "Don't even bother getting ****ed off. Pack your bags. I lost you in the poker game. You're moving in with Bob.""How could you do such a terrible thing?" she whined."Wasn't easy," I said. "You don't normally fold with four aces."
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